How to improve the relationship with your wife! - THE IRON COUCH

How to improve the relationship with your wife!

I hear people complaining that their spouses aren't up for it often enough. I mainly talk about men who would like to have sex with their better halves more often. Yes, I'm talking about men, even though it could be vice versa as well. Women will be addressed in a separate article. A significant problem incompatibility, right? Which could lead to a lot of friction and anger. It often does spill over to other areas, infecting the whole relationship. In this post, I'll present ways to improve your relationship with your spouse by improving your appearance and smell, resulting in a better relationship with more intimacy and sex. It requires a big chunk of self-awareness and a will to change. Are you up for the challenge? What I will discuss is only one part that could improve a relationship. Remember, there are many reasons why a relationship doesn't work well. In this article, I will focus on what you can do as a man to improve your appearance. The article is written particularly for for men who already are in a relationship but also apply to dating. My Israeli friend told me that on his second date with his wife since 15 years he wore a short pair of shorts, the ones which was common in the seventies. It almost cost him a third date and a marriage with a great women. His wife to be thought he arrived to the date wearing a bathing suit. He told me he didn't think about what he was wearing. Your appearance is important!
First, you need to look out through your wife's/girlfriend's window. Would you have hot passionate sex with yourself? Next, consider how you look, dress, and smell today? This is just your appearance, the book's cover, but essential. It could make the difference getting your wife turned on or turned off on top of everything else. If you have been together for five, ten years, or even longer, things could get a bit boring. You might have gained 30-50 pounds (13-22kg) You dress the same as you did fifteen, twenty years ago, maybe even worse. A ten-year-old faded promotional t-shirt and track pants. You think aftershave/Eau de toilet isn't needed because you are not going out to meet new women. You're safe in your relationship and don't really make an effort to look and smell good. As an excuse for looking like a bum, you might say to yourself, "why should I make an effort when my wife is walking around in baggy jogging pants, sweatshirt, grannie undies, undone hair, crocs, and no make-up"? You should! And by modeling, you don't need to nag your wife, which might have the opposite effect and lead to irritation. Instead, you should show, lead the way, and your wife will follow, maybe not immediately but be patient. That's human behavior, AND wait to buy her that sexy lingerie until she is happy to use it. That is one of the last steps. If you skip steps, it most likely will backfire. Now, I will address these areas more in detail. Your weight Let's start by looking at your weight. Do you need to lose weight? Here, we are not talking about 10- 15 pounds (4-7 kg). No, if you weigh 25 pounds (12kg) or more than you should, it could be a contributing factor if you get to exercise in the bedroom or not. We are all different in feeling about our partner's weight gain. Some don't mind it, and it is a big turn-off for others. This isn't easy to discuss, a very sensitive area for most people. The best way is to be honest, and tactful. Pick a good time to discuss it when you both can sit down without getting interrupted. You don't want to hurt each other's feelings, so it could be tricky, to be honest. Suppose you're the only one with the extra cushioning around the waist. In that case, you start the talk by saying something like: "I would like to discuss my weight, and you must be honest." Then you could ask her what she thinks in general about your extra pounds. She might view her concerns about your health and avoid answering if it's a problem for her in bed. You are both walking on a thin line here, so don't get offended by whatever she says. Remember you asked and would like to get more intimacy and sex and also improve your relationship. As I mentioned before, you need self-awareness, and don't begin this discussion until you're ready. This could be a great motivator for losing weight and adopting a healthier lifestyle. Hair, beard, & nails
How are your hair and beard? Are you well-groomed? Does it reflect that you bother even if you have long hair or a big beard? I met a friend whom I haven't seen for twenty years. The first thing he did was a comment that I had a mustache. I responded by a comment that he had a full beard. He said; "oh, it will be shaved off soon". He doesn't bother to shave. He just let it grow and shaves it off every second or third week. Do you keep your fingernails short and clean? It makes a huge difference how you come across.
Your Clothes Most of us don't live in a nudist community. We need to put some type of clothing on. Do you dress the same as you did when you were twenty-one? A friend of mine who often dresses as he was homeless tagged along with a friend when shopping. The guy bought a jacket for $1100, and my friend said "that's as much as I'm spending in ten years on clothes." It's probably true. There's nothing wrong with it, but like it or not, "the book" gets judged by its cover. Reread it, over and again it could be nice to change it to a more exciting one. Many judge the book by it's cover. How do you dress? Do you have a job without a dress code? Under Covid, you might have been working from home. No need to dress up or shave if not on Zoom. Have you established bad habits? Maybe you work in construction or at a hospital, then you have work clothes. Are you daily "uniform" a 10-year-old t-shirt and a pair of old jeans, or do you prefer to dress like Patrick Jane in The Mentalist, a three-piece suit even if you don't have to? Probably not. You might feel comfy looking like a Russian reinforcer mobster (the stereotype in movies) and wearing a tracksuit. Not long ago, my dear friend's wife and I mocked him because of his hobo looks. She said to him spontaneously, "When you dress up (for him to dress up, it means to put on a dress shirt), it tingles in my stomach." It tingles in my stomach. Hm, in other words, the turn-on meter is rising. Of course, you shouldn't wear clothes you don't like but let them grow on you, slowly. Why not dress differently from time to time. Not the same as staying home, going shopping, or going to a party. Change, you can do that without being a snob. It's a whole spectrum between hobo and snob. It just takes a bit of effort, and people will start to notice. Start out by buying a couple of quality shirts a blazer. Warning, if you don't know where to start; material, style, and colors, bring a buddy with taste to help you or your wife. Begin to wear the new clothes when you go out with your wife for shopping or dinner. Then, dress up when you meet your mates for a beer or coffee. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the reactions from the environment, especially your buddies' girlfriends and wives. If your buddies belong to the same hobo club you DID, the women will say something like with longing in their voices, "I wish I could get him to dress like that as well," and then they sigh. Your mates will, of course, give you a hard time and tease you. No one likes change. But, no worries, this is just temporary. I belonged to a local hobo club until a couple of years ago. The above reactions are what I experienced. I have to stress if you decide to upgrade your wardrobe, buy things you really like and are comfortable wearing. Use some help to pick the right stuff if you're unsure what you look good in. And if you have money, don't be stingy, usually quality costs. Personally, I prefer clothes without brand-name logos. There is no need to purchase shirts like the sombrero-wearing gardner on a donkey with a swinging rake in his hand or similar alligator clothes. If you worked out for a while and developed broader shoulders and wider back than the average guy, it could be a problem to find a blazer off the self that fits good. One way to do this is to get a bigger size. I usually buy a bigger size and "short" with shorter arms and total length. Maybe your mother or mother-in-law is handy with the sewing machine. It doesn't solve the problem entirely, but it's the best you can do without going tailor made. Now, you need to take care of your new quality clothing. I suggest washing it yourself, short cycle, and at 30 degrees C (86F), low spin. (Then you usually don't need to iron) Because most of the time, you just need to wash out the sweat, Do not wash your dress shirts with your kids muddy pants at 60 degrees for 1,5 hours. I hope I have got you something to think about. If you have a significant other in your life, please discuss it with her.
How do you smell? I'm (was)a big fan of the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory. In one of the episodes, Sheldon and Leonard had had a fight, and Sheldon interviewed a new potential roommate. He asked one guy: "Right now, do you smell better, worse, or as average as you generally do?" :) Think about it, if you see a woman, she doesn't need to be 26 and beautiful in a classical way, but she is dressed nicely. You notice it and look twice, right? You do think this is a woman who takes care of herself. She makes an effort. We're not talking about the neurotic type with heavy make-up who wouldn't go outside without spending two hours getting ready. No, a woman who likes to feel good with some nice clothing. If you got close enough to this stranger, you would feel a bit of fragrance coming from her. A swift of a lovely smelling perfume or body lotion. This would definitely make her even more attractive, right? Why? When I studied acupuncture at university, we had a lecture by a neurophysiology professor. He said we react so strongly to smell, good and bad because many brain parts have smell receptors. These neurons register smell and send it to other parts of the brain, making us aware of the scent of roses to the other side of the spectrum, stinking farts. During the eighteen hundred century, French culture influenced the upper class of other Europeans. You spoke French and dressed like the French aristocrats to show class. You also used a lot of perfumes, more and more because people didn't think it was necessary to shower for some reason. So to mask the growing bo, they squirted a lot of perfumes. Can you imagine the blend of those to contrasting scents? So, make sure to shower, especially before being intimate. Imagine the above woman, with a bad bo. You would immediately think she was less attractive A nice smell of cologne or stink from bo makes a huge difference in what we think about a person. That's human, the way we are hardwired. Do you smell nice (most of the time), use an aftershave, a body spray in moderation, do you stink, or basically don't smell, good or bad? It is a balance. If you use too many "smell good" products, you also stink. Let your better half have swift at you to see how much is too much. Get your personal smell and stick with it. It will be a part of who you are. You get what you pay for. And from now on your family and friends always could get you "your" aftershave if they run dry on ideas of what to get you as a Christmas or birthday present. To sum up., optimize your weight, pay attention to your appearance, and how you smell. These areas on top of pulling your weight at home, cleaning, doing laundry, etcetera. It will improve your relationship and become a more passionate and affectionate one. Guaranteed! Good Luck! Next time I will talk about our better halves, women.
All the best, Chris at Ironcouch.com