What's wrong with you thinking like that...Nothing! And why you shouldn't walk around with a gun if...
Have you ever had this self-centered thoughts that makes you feel like a terrible person. For example, you calculate how much money you will get when your parents pass way, or your uncle? Welcome to humanity, we are all having these thoughts at one time or another, it's normal. Other "sick" thoughts which could be pop into your head while doing the dishes, you are cleaning the big meat cutting knife and suddenly you'e thinking, wow, with this knife I could kill my whole family within a minute. Again, normal thoughts.
The power to be able to inflict harm or even kill other people stir up powerful emotions. Old emotions we have from our ancestors the great apes. Jane Goodall who studied chimpanzees for many years discovered they could be very vicious. They live in tribes with their own territory. If an individual from another tribe trespasses he or she gets killed and torn to pieces. Goodall hesitated to publish this violent behavior. We humans share 95-98% of our DNA with chimpanzees which biologically our closer to use than they are to gorillas.
Has the need for walking around with visible or concealed weapons especially in the States (guns) anything to do with any of this or only a way of feeling secure IF something would happen. Is it a false security, yes most likely, but is it bad if it helps the person to feel less neurotic and calmer? I would say it depends on the personality of the individual. I remember reading a story about the tennis player Andre Agassi's dad. This in his autobiography. His dad had a bad temper and one day while driving in Las Vegas a person cut them off. Agassi's dad became furious and took his gun out from the glove compartment and aimed it against the driver in the other lane. Andre was sitting terrified in the passenger seat with the gun couple of inches from his face. Luckily his dad didn't pull the trigger. If you have a bad temper with a short fuse you should not walk around with a gun because when you get upset which happens at least three times a day you might unconsciously pull the gun with the intent only to scare. From that to actually pull the trigger isn't that far. If you are unlucky the person you're threatening has even a worse temper than you, blind sides you, takes the gun and shoots you. If you feel the need for a gun please keep it safe! I'm not in anyway an expert on this but like to share some thoughts. In Sweden I have couple of air rifles and air guns. It's a hobby of mine since I was about 12 which I enjoy. I shoot on targets and cans.
Have a great day!
The problem is how do we in the West deal with other countries' wars, human rights violations, the suffering of the dictatorships' citizens, the destruction of nature and wildlife? The list is long. Until now it has been an unwillingness to get involved. For example Obama didn't like to get actively involved in Syria. No one on the home front wanted a new Afghanistan, Iraq or even worse, a new Vietnam war in the middle east. Trump is even worse, with his talk about America first. We have all seen what has happened in Iraq, Libya and so on after Kadaffi, and Sadam Hussein.
In Syria we have the Russian involved which make it harder for the West. Putin doesn't have any interest in Syria only like to flex muscles so the world should think about the Russians as a superpower again. What most of the leaders in the West don't want to think about (we are talking about "ostriching" here) is what happens in the middle east spills over to the rest of the world, it' s just a matter of time. Then it effects most of us. (I'm writing this one hour drive form the Syrian border).
The problem is to become united against the evil in the world, it doesn't matter if we are talking about Assad in Syria, the Saudi Arabians or the Chinese. Have we the right as Europeans and North Americans to become the moral police of the world? Do we have the right to judge? And an even harder question. Do we have the obligation to help the people how is living under tyrannic corrupt leaders? If, yes what price are we willing to pay for that? No easy answers to these questions. Unfortunately we an unstable leader of the US and Europe isn't united. Then we have the other two big players, China and Russia. Because neither China or Russia are democratic countries it's impossible to get consensus how to deal with for example Syria. A united front against evil seems impossible.
We also have to remember it is a huge cost; money and lives to get involved. Look at the US during the WWII, not until the Japanese made the fatal mistake to bomb Pearl Harbour December 7th 1941 the Americans joined the Allies. Think about that if Japan hadn't bombed the world might have looked much different today. People like myself growing up in Europe probably would have been forced to speak Russian or German. A change based on two decisions. First by the Japanese military command and then by the American president Roosevelt. Of course saying this is to simplify things but sometimes ONE decision can have a huge impact on the world for generations. Therefor we should really think about who we want to lead us in to the future and who we want in our "backyard." Ostriching is the worst thing for you and your grandkids future!
Have a great day!
Most people I know don't exercise regularly even if they want to get in shape they are not able to prioritize it. Life comes in between like it was less important to care of ones health. The way you grew up has big influence on this. Did your parents exercise? Did you do any form of sport activity as a child or teenager? The answers to these questions will influence how you prioritize exercise.in your life. Have you done any exercise for a longer amount of time so it became a habit? Maybe before you got married and had children. Try to recall who good you felt after you did it. You might never have done any regular exercise but now you're running out of excuses. Where do you start? First you need to plan the time to do it, this is the most crucial componant for you to succeed. Pick a time which very seldom or never will interfere with other activities. if you have a spouse and kids, discuss it, think about if you need to give the children a ride or pick them up from after school activities. You might be able to to it on your lunch break. I usually tell my clients to schedule their training and DO it if they don't need to take one of their family member to the ER. That should be the only valid/acceptable excuse not to do your exercise. It always easy to justify why you shouldn't do your workout, why you don't have time, will start next week, etcetera.
Start gradually with three scheduled 30-45 min exercise times/week. It could be walking, strength training, yoga etcetera. Make sure you get a physical if you are above 40 before. One key thing for many people is to do something they enjoy to be able to stick with it. Sometimes you do not really enjoy the exercise itself but you do it for the result and the good mental and physical feelings afterwards. The key is to do something, establish a habit, a good one. A good thing is if you could involve the rest of the family or at least your spouse. Take a long walk during the weekend you get exercise and get to spend quality time together . Maybe you like to bike or swim? Be creative!
Next time I will talk about food.
Have a great day and get off your butt!
If you say something, have an opinion about basically anything you're running the risk of getting categorized/viewed as conservative, rightwing, liberal, lefty, socialist and the list goes own from all-right to communist. Why is it like that? Why do we have a need to put a label on a person's opinion? HOW SHOULD DECIDE WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG?
I would say the last two to three years it has been increasingly hard to view once opinion without getting into trouble with the self-appointed moral police who gets close to an anurusm if someone in their view doesn't make a political correct statement. This "police force" or I would say "militia" is divided in many different sections. One regarding the rights of LGBTQ individuals they behave like every other person was LGBTQ instead of a minority. Don't get me wrong here, the rights of sexual minorities is very important but I'm not in favor of dividing people into different categories. Everyone has an equal value! Tribalism leads to trouble!.Instead we should work to become united!
The other very loud section of this "police" is the section who rides on the MeToo wave they label men as potential monsters who want to sexual harass and rape women. Forgotten is the women who use their sexuality and good looks to advance careers and get what they want. This is barely spoken about. Yes, there are men who are real bad human beings but they are a minority. This is also a cultural and generational thing. Compare a Swedish man 2018 with is grandfather, oh my God, the granddad would most likely be considered a chauvinistic pig with todays standards. Again, compare the Swedish 2018 man with an 2018 Vietnamese and a 2018 Saudi Arabian and you would notice huge differences in their behavior towards women. What is culturally accepted in each of their countries. One could say each one is a victim of their own culture.
The third division of the militia is the refugee section. They think open boarders is something we should have in the western world and let people in without any restriction. This is the most infected discussion because it's very complex and what is right or wrong is hard to determine. One side wants bring all refugees in the other non. I guess what is best for the individual country is somewhere between. What we need is to be able to have a productive discussion about it without becoming all emotional.
To paraphrase Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, "assume the person you are listening to know something you don't know.".
Have a great day!
You pull, push, drag, lift, carry, walk, stretch, and bend. During a couple of hours of this work you will do a majority of those things. I'm talking about gardening which I think is an underrated activity for staying fit, as a bonus you are outside. You can make it more or less as an exercise. If you cut your grass cruising around with your sit-on mower, it's not much of workout, right. I'm old school, I use as little power tools as possible for the garden. I use a scythe, push (manual) mower and hedge scissors. Cut off tree branches, dried grass, leaves etc I put it in a big bucket or a huge bag and carry it to the pick up area in our street.
Remember, as any other exercise you make sure you do things gradually and warm up before you decide to give it a go on that big rock which needs moving. Furthermore, use common sense when using tools like axes and hatches which potentially could be dangerous.
Good luck with your garden and have a great day!
Photo: Maya kallevag
P.S. Feel free forward the blog to others including the source (IronCouch.com)
In the two previous parts we discussed your weight and how you dress. This is the third and last part which we will address how you smell.
I’m a big fan of the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, in one of the episode the main characters Sheldon and Leonard had had a fight and Sheldon interviewed a new potential roommate. He asked, “Right now, do you smell better, worse or as average as you generally do?
Think about it, if you see a woman, she doesn’t need to be 26 and beautiful in a classical way but she is dressed nicely. You notice it and look twice, right? You do think this a woman who take care of herself, she makes an effort. We’re not talking about the neurotic type with heavy make-up who wouldn’t go outside without spending two hours getting ready. No, a woman who likes to feel good with some nice clothing. If you would get close enough to this stranger and you felt a bit of fragrance coming from her. A swift of a nice smelling perfume or body lotion. This would definitely make her even more attractive, right? Why?
When I studied acupuncture at university we had a lectures by a neurobiology professor. He said the reason we react so strongly to smell, good and bad is that many parts of the brain has smell receptors, neurons which register smell and send it to other parts of the brain which make us aware of the smell of roses all the way to the other side of the spectrum, stinking farts.
During the eighteen hundred century the French culture influenced the upper class of other Europeans and if you wanted to show class you spoke French and dressed like the French aristocrats. You also used a lot of perfumes, more and more because for some reasons people didn’t think it was necessarily to shower. To mask the growing b.o. they squirted a lot of perfumes, can you imagine the blend of those to contrasting scents?
Imagine the above woman, with a bad b.o. You would immediately feel and think negatively about her. A nice smell of cologne or stink from b.o. it makes a huge difference what we think about a person. That’s human, the way we are hardwired. Do you smell nicely(most of the time), use an aftershave, a body spray in moderation or do you stink? It is a balance if you use too much “smell good” products you stink as well. Let your better half have swift at you to see how much is too much.
Get your personal smell and stick with it, it will be a part who you are. You get what you pay for. And from now on your family and friends always could get you “your” aftershave if they run dry on ideas what to get you as a Christmas or birthday present.
To sum up. If you improve this three areas of your appearance on top of pulling your weight at home; cleaning, do laundry etcetera it will not only improve your relationship it may also become a more passionate and affectionate one. Guaranteed!
2. Your Clothes
In the last post i talked about your weight and here I will address the way you dress.
Most of us don’t live in a nudist community. We need to put some type of clothing on. Do you dress the same as you did when you were twenty-one? A friend of mine who basically dresses as he was homeless, tagged along with another friend when he went shopping. The guy bought a jacket for $1100 and my friend said “that’s as much as I’m spending in ten years on clothes.” It’s probably true. Nothing wrong with it but “the book” gets judged by it’s cover and to read it again, and again (have sex) it could be nice to change it, to a more exciting one.
Like it or not, people judge the book by it’s cover. How do you dress? Do you have a job without dress code? Maybe you work in construction or at a hospital. Are you daily “uniform” a 10 year old t-shirt and a pair of old jeans or do you prefer to dress like Patrick Jane in The Mentalist, a three piece suit even if you don’t have to? Probably not. You might feel comfy to look like a Russian mobster, and wear a track suit. Not long ago my dear friend’s wife I mocked him because of his hobo looks. She said to him spontaneously “When you dress up it tingles in my stomach.” It tingles in my stomach, hm in other words, the turn on meter is rising.
Of course you shouldn’t wear cloths you don’t like but let it grow on you, slowly. Why not dress differently from time to time. Not the same staying home, going shopping or going to a party. Change, you can do that without being a snob. It’s a whole spectrum between hobo and snob. It just takes a bit of effort and people will start to notice.
Start out by buying couple of quality shirts, a blazer. Warning, if you don’t know where to start; material, style, colors bring a buddy with taste to help you out, or your wife. Begin to wear the new cloths when you going out with your wife for shopping or dinner. Dress up when you meet your pals for a beer or coffee. You’ll be pleasantly surprised of the reactions from the environment, specially your buddies girlfriends and wives. If your buddies belong to the same hobo club you DID the women will say something like with longing in their voices “I wish I could get him to dress like that as well” and then they sigh.
Your pales will of course give you a hard time and tease you, no one likes change. No worries, this is just temporary.
I belonged to a local hobo club until couple of years ago and the above reactions is what I experienced. I have to stress, if you decide to upgrade your wardrobe, buy things you really like and are comfortable wearing. Use some help to pick the right stuff if you’re not sure what you look good in. And if you have money, don’t be stingy, usually quality costs. I personally prefer clothes without brand name logos like the one with the sombrero wearing gardner on a donkey with a swinging rake in his hand or similar.
If you worked out for a while and developed broader shoulders and wider back than the average guy it could be a problem to find a blazer off the self that fits good. One way to do with this to get a bigger size. I usually buy a bigger size and “short” which has shorter arms and total length. If it’s getting to big around the waist it’s easy to adjust. Maybe your mother or mother-in-law is handy with the sewing machine. It doesn’t solve the problem entirely but it’s the best you can do without going taylor made.
Now, you need to take care of your new quality clothing. I suggest wash it your self, short cycle and at 30 degrees, low spin. Because most of the times you just need to wash out the sweat Do not wash your dress shirts with your kids muddy pants at 60 degrees for 1,5 hours.
I hope I got you something to think about, If you have a significant other in your life please discuss it with her.
... to be continued with part lll (and last)
I have friends who are complaining about that their spouses aren’t up for it often enough. We’re talking about guys who would like to have sex with their better halves three, four times a week and their wives are up for it once or twice month.
A big problem in compatibility, right? Which could lead to a lot of friction and anger, many times it does spill over to other areas and it could infect the whole relationship.
In this post I’ll present ways to improve your relationship with your better half by improve your appearance, smell, and as a bonus you will get more sex, hopefully. It requires a big chunk of self-awareness and a will to change. Are you up for the challenge?
First you need to look out through your wife’s/girlfriend’s window. Would you have hot passionate sex with yourself (No, playing with your self doesn’t count as hot passionate sex.) consider how you look, dress, and smell today? This is just your appearance, the cover of the book, but important. It could make the difference getting your wife turned on or turned off on top of everything else.
If you have been together for five, ten years or even longer things could get a bit boring. You might have gained 30-50 pounds. You dress the same as you did fifteen, twenty years ago, maybe even worse. A ten year old faded promotional t-shirt and track pants. You think after shave/eau de toilet isn’t needed because you not going out to meet new women. You’re safe in your relationship and don’t really make an effort to look and smell good. As a rational to that you might say; “why should I make an effort when my wife at home is walking around in baggy jogging pants, grannie undies, undone hair, sweatshirt and crocs?”
You should! And by modeling you don’t need to nag your wife which might have the opposite effect and lead to irritation. You should show, lead the way and your wife will follow, maybe not immediately but be patient. That’s human behavior AND wait with buying her those sexy lingerie until she happy to use it. That is one of the last steps. If you skip steps it most likely will backfire. Now, I’ll address these three areas more in detail.
1. Your weight
Let’s start by looking at your weight, do you need to loose weight? We are not talking about 10- 15 pounds here, no if you way 20 pounds or more than you should it could be a contributing factor if you get to exercise enough in the bedroom or not. We are all different how we feel about our partner’s weight gain. Some don’t mind it and for others it is a big turn off. This isn’t easy to discuss, very sensitive area for most people.
The best way is to be honest and tactful. Pick a good time to discuss it, when you both can sit down without getting interrupted. Your better half doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so it could be hard for her to be honest. If you’re the only one with the extra cushioning around the waist you start the talk by saying something like: “I would like do discuss my weight and it’s important that you are honest.” Then you could ask her what she thinks in general about your extra pounds. She might view her concerns about your health and avoid to answer if it’s a problem for her in bed. You both walking on a thin line her so whatever she says don’t get offended, remember you asked and would like to get more sex and improve you relationship. As I mentioned before you need self awareness and don’t begin this discussion until you’re ready.
This could lead to a great motivator for you to loose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle.
Hair & Nails
How is your hair and beard, are you well groomed? Does it reflect that you bother even if you have long hair or and a big beard? I met an former friend whom I haven't seen for twenty years. The first thing he did was to make an comment that I had a mustache. I responded by comment that he had a full beard. He said; "oh, it will be shaved off soon". This guy is single, has no intension to meet a woman and he doesn't bother to shave every day. He just let it grow and shaves it off every second or third week.
If you work with your hands and get dirty, do you clean your hands and finger nails properly after work?
...to be continued
Yesterday I read in a Swedish newspaper that a TV channel decided not to air an episode of a dating show because the host joked and asked the male contestants a question about the women. He asked ; "Who was born a male? In today's society at least in Sweden you can't joke anymore about minority groups and especially not about people who felt they been born in the wrong body and had sex-change surgery, this also includes:gays, lesbians and trans-sex individuals. Personally, I don't see this being spectacular. Why is it made so sensitive? If this is the way it is, so what. Let the person become happy and accept them for whom they want to be, don't make a big deal about it.
This is where the problem is, there are people who like to butt in and decide what is okay and acceptable and what is not.. You have to be mainstream or you're weird, and weird becomes a threat. The threat should be eliminated and it's easy to justify, to blame "they". Throughout history minority groups has been blamed for whatever is convenient for the day. Nowadays we have the extreme rightwing extremists who spreading their alternative facts (hate) and call everything from main media fake news. Have a look who what's going on in Poland, Hungary, and the result of the Italian election which took place in March. All over Europe intelligent and highly educated people is voting and supporting rightwing clowns. This because they feel the politicians has failed and betrayed them. Not a single European country is willing to talk to their fellow members of the European Union and say "Listen, we have these refugees coming and we have to divid them equally between us, how do we do this? And who's going to talk to the two morons in Russia and U.S.? Guys, the war in Syria has to end." No, this apparently makes to much common sense. And no one seems really interested to do this...
Instead we have people like Trump's former chief strategist Steve Bannon who has travelled around Europe to meet people who shares his opinion and worse... He wants to establish platforms like Breitfart, sorry, Breitbart to spread their messages No, not everything and everyone need to be "in the middle". BUT if you're spreading lies with the intention to brainwash gullible teens and others who don''t no better. you're doing mankind an enormous disfavor. Shame on you! The lies will create hate. Hates leads to war, from within neighborhoods to global genocides. I was exposed to this first hand myself. I had a friend who was/is one of this rightwing extremists. We shared the interest of archery and we hang out for a little less than a year before I couldn't stand his company. He was full of hate and controversy, said all these bad things about immigrants, liberals, basically who wasn't like Trump or worse.. He was an immigrant himself his dad was an immigrant. and he had relatives who died in the holocaust. He had been married to an immigrant from a different culture. Like many of these people he is denying and deflecting. You can't reason with them.
Just the other day I discussed this with a friend who is a professor in political philosophy. We came to the conclusion what happened in Germany during 20s, 30s, and 40s could happen again, and it is actually happening as you read this in other countries, so far in smaller extent but it's going on in: Africa, Middle East, Europe, North America, South America, Asia, and Australia. Everywhere! The lies and hate is spreading and someone needs to be blamed...
What some immigrants bring with them like female circumcisions, honor killings, child marriages, and other culture related female discriminating traditions are areas that the western politicians have failed to address, failed enormously. What we in Western countries have to remember is that 75% of the worlds population have a collectivistic view of life. This mean that the individual him or herself doesn't decide what to do.. A decision is made by the family with influence from the patriarch of the family.
Because of the way politicians have dealt with their countries during the last 30 - 40 years we have seen and seeing a rise of rightwing extremists and also muslim extremists. In Sweden couple of imams are allowed to spread their hate against Jewish people and others without any or minor consequences. Again, this is used by the other side to spread hate about all muslims, and it's goes on and on.
Back to the sexual minority groups we call lgbtq. Personally, I believe that anyone belonging to this group don't want to be treated differently, no, I think most people wants to be treated like everyone else, not better, not worse. I have noticed lately in other situations as well that many minority groups have an association which is suppose to represent them. Yes, suppose to, but they seem to have their on agenda, not represent what the members actually want. Basically they act like many political parties. Unfortunately we're seeing what that is leading to.
I would like to share with you what happened to me the last month,.I've been brushed with death twice.
First, I was out riding my motorcycle with a friend, he rode his bike. On a long straight an oncoming car suddenly turn left in front of us. My friend slammed into the side of the car I didn't have any time to react, didn't even touch my breaks. I passed at the front of the car with about 10-15 cm(4-6") to spare... We had an guardian angle looking out for us. My friend "only" broke both his wrists severely and couple of fingers. Additionally, he banged up is right shoulder. It could have ended much worse for both of us.
Second, after my years in Canada I'm not in contact with many people. I've kept in contact with a friend, we usually speak 2-3 times a year and exchange emails. When I talked to him in August he said he had some stomach problems, and the doctors was checking him out. I tried to call him during the Christmas holidays but couldn't get hold of him. In February his sister sent me an message (from his cell) and I called her back asap. My friend passed away in colon cancer December 17, 53 year old. For some reason he didn't tell me the seriousness of his illness. His sister said he didn't like to tell anyone. By the time I talked to him in the summer she said he already had been diagnosed and it had spread to the liver. I wished he had told me so we could have met a last time and said goodbye.
He was a bachelor, worked hard at his two businesses with little time off. Fort the last fives years he talked about selling and to do something else and travel; visit me, hike in the Pyrenees, and travel around Europe. Always something came up and he didn't execute his plans... And now he's dead and buried...at age 53...
These two events (for lack of a better word) have shaken me up profoundly..They have made me think how I live my life; what is important, what to prioritize, and who you like to spend time with. As my friend Steven said; "it helps you to cut though the fog".
How would you live your life if you had a year left?
Sylva Sokolovsky 1964-2017 Rest In Peace my friend
Take care of yourself!
Husband, Father, Friend Swedish, Canadian, Psychology, Health, Exercise, Archery, Drumming, Carving, Motorcycles