Friendships II

Unfortunately friendships change during the life span. Sometimes it just about growing apart, occasionally it is about one side who doesn't keep up their parti of the relationship, meaning being busy and thinks less about keeping in touch even though it's no bad intentions things happens. What I personally experienced and which I think is more common than people think is the "the third" person entering the relationship between to old friends and intentionally or unintentionally put a wedge into the friendship. The "third party" is a romantic boy or girlfriend who will eventually become a spouse. When this happens the initial friendship might suffer tremendously because if the friend has to choose between the longtime friend and the spouse the friend most of the times draw the short straw.  Exemptions are if the person is strong and make it crystal clear to his or her spouse that  "Jamie is like family, I hope you don't have a problem with that?" I know this is wishful thinking and seldom happens. Most likely things will evolve as with one of my old friends who married a very dominant woman who was jealous of our relationship and wanted my friend to be exclusive to her. He conformed to her wishes (demands) and this was more than I could put up with in the long run, and from being very good friends we haven't talked for over 13 years. As I mentioned in my previous post I treat my good friends like bothers and can't accept being treated like an "acuaintance" becuase that is the only way a the spouse accept the relationship to contiue. What is interesting with my old (former) friend it what I understand happened is that besides me he doesn't either has any contact with the best-man at his weeding, a brother in arms, friend form university. The only guys in his life who he has some kind of relationship with is three men who married to dominating women like himself. They have a casual superficial friendships only as deep as their wives allow them to go. For me it is really upsetting why a person agree to sell himself out. Yes, some men and women accept and are drawn to a dominating partner and become the pushover. Sometimes based on deep psychological issues, like marry a woman/man like their mom or dad. It never ever leads to an honest and healthy relationship. Furthermore, a family dynamic which is far from a good environment for children to grow up in. 
In the next post I will talk about a to be a good friend through out your life. Remember, you have limited influence on your friends how they treat your friendship. You can only show the way how to behave and act like a good friend yourself and hope it will be contagious. As mentioned the real test of a friendship is in our late twenties or thirties when we settle down and get married.
 
Chris, IronCouch.com