In the two previous parts we discussed your weight and how you dress. This is the third and last part which we will address how you smell.
I’m a big fan of the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, in one of the episode the main characters Sheldon and Leonard had had a fight and Sheldon interviewed a new potential roommate. He asked, “Right now, do you smell better, worse or as average as you generally do?
Think about it, if you see a woman, she doesn’t need to be 26 and beautiful in a classical way but she is dressed nicely. You notice it and look twice, right? You do think this a woman who take care of herself, she makes an effort. We’re not talking about the neurotic type with heavy make-up who wouldn’t go outside without spending two hours getting ready. No, a woman who likes to feel good with some nice clothing. If you would get close enough to this stranger and you felt a bit of fragrance coming from her. A swift of a nice smelling perfume or body lotion. This would definitely make her even more attractive, right? Why?
When I studied acupuncture at university we had a lectures by a neurobiology professor. He said the reason we react so strongly to smell, good and bad is that many parts of the brain has smell receptors, neurons which register smell and send it to other parts of the brain which make us aware of the smell of roses all the way to the other side of the spectrum, stinking farts.
During the eighteen hundred century the French culture influenced the upper class of other Europeans and if you wanted to show class you spoke French and dressed like the French aristocrats. You also used a lot of perfumes, more and more because for some reasons people didn’t think it was necessarily to shower. To mask the growing b.o. they squirted a lot of perfumes, can you imagine the blend of those to contrasting scents?
Imagine the above woman, with a bad b.o. You would immediately feel and think negatively about her. A nice smell of cologne or stink from b.o. it makes a huge difference what we think about a person. That’s human, the way we are hardwired. Do you smell nicely(most of the time), use an aftershave, a body spray in moderation or do you stink? It is a balance if you use too much “smell good” products you stink as well. Let your better half have swift at you to see how much is too much.
Get your personal smell and stick with it, it will be a part who you are. You get what you pay for. And from now on your family and friends always could get you “your” aftershave if they run dry on ideas what to get you as a Christmas or birthday present.
To sum up. If you improve this three areas of your appearance on top of pulling your weight at home; cleaning, do laundry etcetera it will not only improve your relationship it may also become a more passionate and affectionate one. Guaranteed!
2. Your Clothes
In the last post i talked about your weight and here I will address the way you dress.
Most of us don’t live in a nudist community. We need to put some type of clothing on. Do you dress the same as you did when you were twenty-one? A friend of mine who basically dresses as he was homeless, tagged along with another friend when he went shopping. The guy bought a jacket for $1100 and my friend said “that’s as much as I’m spending in ten years on clothes.” It’s probably true. Nothing wrong with it but “the book” gets judged by it’s cover and to read it again, and again (have sex) it could be nice to change it, to a more exciting one.
Like it or not, people judge the book by it’s cover. How do you dress? Do you have a job without dress code? Maybe you work in construction or at a hospital. Are you daily “uniform” a 10 year old t-shirt and a pair of old jeans or do you prefer to dress like Patrick Jane in The Mentalist, a three piece suit even if you don’t have to? Probably not. You might feel comfy to look like a Russian mobster, and wear a track suit. Not long ago my dear friend’s wife I mocked him because of his hobo looks. She said to him spontaneously “When you dress up it tingles in my stomach.” It tingles in my stomach, hm in other words, the turn on meter is rising.
Of course you shouldn’t wear cloths you don’t like but let it grow on you, slowly. Why not dress differently from time to time. Not the same staying home, going shopping or going to a party. Change, you can do that without being a snob. It’s a whole spectrum between hobo and snob. It just takes a bit of effort and people will start to notice.
Start out by buying couple of quality shirts, a blazer. Warning, if you don’t know where to start; material, style, colors bring a buddy with taste to help you out, or your wife. Begin to wear the new cloths when you going out with your wife for shopping or dinner. Dress up when you meet your pals for a beer or coffee. You’ll be pleasantly surprised of the reactions from the environment, specially your buddies girlfriends and wives. If your buddies belong to the same hobo club you DID the women will say something like with longing in their voices “I wish I could get him to dress like that as well” and then they sigh.
Your pales will of course give you a hard time and tease you, no one likes change. No worries, this is just temporary.
I belonged to a local hobo club until couple of years ago and the above reactions is what I experienced. I have to stress, if you decide to upgrade your wardrobe, buy things you really like and are comfortable wearing. Use some help to pick the right stuff if you’re not sure what you look good in. And if you have money, don’t be stingy, usually quality costs. I personally prefer clothes without brand name logos like the one with the sombrero wearing gardner on a donkey with a swinging rake in his hand or similar.
If you worked out for a while and developed broader shoulders and wider back than the average guy it could be a problem to find a blazer off the self that fits good. One way to do with this to get a bigger size. I usually buy a bigger size and “short” which has shorter arms and total length. If it’s getting to big around the waist it’s easy to adjust. Maybe your mother or mother-in-law is handy with the sewing machine. It doesn’t solve the problem entirely but it’s the best you can do without going taylor made.
Now, you need to take care of your new quality clothing. I suggest wash it your self, short cycle and at 30 degrees, low spin. Because most of the times you just need to wash out the sweat Do not wash your dress shirts with your kids muddy pants at 60 degrees for 1,5 hours.
I hope I got you something to think about, If you have a significant other in your life please discuss it with her.
... to be continued with part lll (and last)
I have friends who are complaining about that their spouses aren’t up for it often enough. We’re talking about guys who would like to have sex with their better halves three, four times a week and their wives are up for it once or twice month.
A big problem in compatibility, right? Which could lead to a lot of friction and anger, many times it does spill over to other areas and it could infect the whole relationship.
In this post I’ll present ways to improve your relationship with your better half by improve your appearance, smell, and as a bonus you will get more sex, hopefully. It requires a big chunk of self-awareness and a will to change. Are you up for the challenge?
First you need to look out through your wife’s/girlfriend’s window. Would you have hot passionate sex with yourself (No, playing with your self doesn’t count as hot passionate sex.) consider how you look, dress, and smell today? This is just your appearance, the cover of the book, but important. It could make the difference getting your wife turned on or turned off on top of everything else.
If you have been together for five, ten years or even longer things could get a bit boring. You might have gained 30-50 pounds. You dress the same as you did fifteen, twenty years ago, maybe even worse. A ten year old faded promotional t-shirt and track pants. You think after shave/eau de toilet isn’t needed because you not going out to meet new women. You’re safe in your relationship and don’t really make an effort to look and smell good. As a rational to that you might say; “why should I make an effort when my wife at home is walking around in baggy jogging pants, grannie undies, undone hair, sweatshirt and crocs?”
You should! And by modeling you don’t need to nag your wife which might have the opposite effect and lead to irritation. You should show, lead the way and your wife will follow, maybe not immediately but be patient. That’s human behavior AND wait with buying her those sexy lingerie until she happy to use it. That is one of the last steps. If you skip steps it most likely will backfire. Now, I’ll address these three areas more in detail.
1. Your weight
Let’s start by looking at your weight, do you need to loose weight? We are not talking about 10- 15 pounds here, no if you way 20 pounds or more than you should it could be a contributing factor if you get to exercise enough in the bedroom or not. We are all different how we feel about our partner’s weight gain. Some don’t mind it and for others it is a big turn off. This isn’t easy to discuss, very sensitive area for most people.
The best way is to be honest and tactful. Pick a good time to discuss it, when you both can sit down without getting interrupted. Your better half doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so it could be hard for her to be honest. If you’re the only one with the extra cushioning around the waist you start the talk by saying something like: “I would like do discuss my weight and it’s important that you are honest.” Then you could ask her what she thinks in general about your extra pounds. She might view her concerns about your health and avoid to answer if it’s a problem for her in bed. You both walking on a thin line her so whatever she says don’t get offended, remember you asked and would like to get more sex and improve you relationship. As I mentioned before you need self awareness and don’t begin this discussion until you’re ready.
This could lead to a great motivator for you to loose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle.
Hair & Nails
How is your hair and beard, are you well groomed? Does it reflect that you bother even if you have long hair or and a big beard? I met an former friend whom I haven't seen for twenty years. The first thing he did was to make an comment that I had a mustache. I responded by comment that he had a full beard. He said; "oh, it will be shaved off soon". This guy is single, has no intension to meet a woman and he doesn't bother to shave every day. He just let it grow and shaves it off every second or third week.
If you work with your hands and get dirty, do you clean your hands and finger nails properly after work?
...to be continued
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