It's easier said than done. Sometimes we do things and we rationalize it's the right thing to do. Deep inside, a gut-feeling or a deep emotional sensation telling us it's not the right decision.
My guru when it comes to psychotherapy is Irvin Yalom, an American psychiatrist and psychotherapist. In the past he lead group therapy for terminal ill cancer patients. Several patients told him that; It's too bad I have to be dying before I understand how to live life. And similar things when they reflected on the life they lived. I have thought long and hard on this myself and slowly making changes in my life. We all have habits which isn't good for us, meaning not ending or fixing idle relationships, and nurture others more, really looking into what we consider important to us, is it crucial or is it just a habit which tagged along and should have been terminated long time ago? During life we develop relationships that sometimes just idle, that's fine if all involved are happy with it. If one part wants more than the other it becomes a problem which could be nagging like a people in the shoe and eventually feel like a nail in the foot. If the latter happens the lid can fly off and one can become too emotional, loose control and things can be said in the heat of the moment. I advice you to deal with the problem, person when it's still "a pebble". Personally, I have couple of "pebbles" which I haven't attend the way I should, long overdue. Face it, it's not easy to confront others and the toughest one to confront is ourself, but sooner or later it's need to be done.
-All the best, Chris (Ironcouch.com)
We don't now how long time we have here on planet earth. If we stay healthy we will start to deteriorate in our early forties. yes, you read it right. at forty it starts to go downhill and you begin to loose muscles and become tighter and stiffer. The media stereotype and keep the myth going about the older generation. Many feels it's the way it suppose to be and unconsciously justify their age as an excuse not to this or that. I'M TELLING YOU, DON'T FOOL YOUR SELF. There is no need to buy in to this. You can be 80 years old and be stronger and fitter than the majority of people in their thirties. It requires some lifestyle changes which would be easier than you think. AND a different way of thinking, an independent one.
I just talked to a good friend in Sweden. He has a son who 13 years old. The teen plays hockey and have done for at least for the last seven years. The outrageous thing about this is the practice, the training, They train this children like they were eighteen and chosen hockey after tried a number of different sports through out their teens. NO, they only thing my friend's son has time for is hockey. So far so good, he enjoys it very much. The question is what is the price he pays. He doesn't have time for any other sports maybe he has the potential to become the next Michael Phelps, or Lance Armstrong. I guess we will never find out because he doesn't have time to try out swimming nor cycling.
My friend told me at the end of July that his son hadn't had time yet to play golf with him. No father and son quality time, due to leaders and many parents get caught up in the elite training, frenzy at a very early age when the kids should do a variation of different things.
The obvious risk here is burn out, and injuries due to lack of variation and to much stress on their young bodies. When they are 16-17 when it's time to decide what you like to do 100% they could be tired off it. Even though the could become a NHL player at age 21.
I have seen this craziness in different sports, it is even worse in gymnastic where 10 year old train five times a week and the leaders are rude to the parents if they dare to plan two weeks of for vacation which isn't authorized by the leaders.
Why this elite hysteria at such as young age? Why don't the parents to do anything about the clubs talking over their children's life. The thing is, many clubs have only one way to do things; elite. elite, elite. Nothing for a child who wants to play soccer because its fun. if he or she isn't good enough at age 9 they end up on the bench and how fun is that? They quit after have been bench warmers for a while.
As parents we have responsibilities towards our children. We should be in charge of their lives, right?
Do you often feel that you run around from one thing to another and having a tough time prioritize things in your life. What is really important and which activities, people, or material possessions should you let go off? Which ones are important and need more time
This isn't easy and I noticed myself some things changes, what was high on the priority list at one time isn't important two years later. This could be due to change of interest and be good for you.
If you say you don't have time to exercise and spend more than one hour each night in front of the TV or surfing the net you know you are lying to your self.
Think how you spend your time off work. Is it things you would like to do differently? Maybe it's time to start a new hobby or pick up a old one from your teens.
Personally, I have picked up a hobby I did as a teen and began couple of new ones the last two years. I'm encouraging you do something creative; a craft or play an instrument. It feels really good to create something. I carve wood, mainly making spoons and recently began to play the harmonica and Djembe drum.
The one of the most important things for your health and well being is prioritizing the people you hang out with. This also very hard to actually do. Most of us have a friend who we don't enjoy talking or spending time with. You have grown apart but it is hard to cut it. many times it is easy to just ignore her and hope she gets the message. This isn't the right thing to do, best is if you are able to solve it without hurting the other person's feelings. Maybe it isn't that kind of a big deal to meet this person for a coffee once every other month...
What you have to cut loose is the people who after work only like to party, watch TV and just hang. Remember what they say, you are the average of the people you hang out with.
So, get a new hobby, you might meet a person who will become a great friend.
Think about it, currently, do you live the same life you did 5-10 years ago, same routine? If, YES, you will benefit enormously to change, drop some and add some quality habits, hobbies and people to your life.
I had a discussion recently with a very intelligent retired professor. He said something critical about the muslim refugees in Europe. I answered what I nowadays do when I detect b.s. "Your source please, your source please or is it your subjective opinion?"
There is a growing problem in many parts of Europe. It has to do with the refugees fleeing from countries like Syria, Irak and Afghanistan and how the governments are handle those immigrants. Part of the problem is the unfair distribution of the refugees through out the world. Some countries accept many some very few. My home country of Sweden has taken in a significant amount and the integration has failed big time. The right wing political party with a nazi past is growing. They get almost 20 percent in the polls.
Why? Because the government employees are bureaucrats and there is no accountability what they do! If it was run as a business it would be a different story.
The current reality:
Oops, we have now 150,000 new refugees, where shall we put them? Okay, we have some temporary housing and luckily we have private people who is willing to open refugee centers, some because they like to help out. Others, a majority, not for the kindness to help out, no, only for business purposes to make money. The government is glad to get rid of the housing problem for now. Of course it's cost a lot, but it;'s only taxpayers money...
What? We can't put all refugees from different religions (like Shia and Sunni muslims) together.They start to fight, didn't think about that...
Yes, the normal time for us decide if you are allowed to stay here in Sweden or is about 1-3 years. Meanwhile you are cooked up in a small place and aren't allowed to work. You and the kids get bored to death, it's easy to sink in to a depression and with that comes not having the strength of taking care of the children. The kids get lost, and begin to do misbehave and do illegal things which they wouldn't dream of in their home countries because the consequences would be severe.
There is an unacceptable long waiting period to know if you are allowed to stay or not, people are in a limbo.
Boredom, meanwhile, nothing to do due to idiotic rules and regulation and a strong union.
Not enough, if any demands on the refugees due to naive politicians and social service people.
If you look back 500, 1000 and even 2-3000 years we see a pattern. Countries don't stay statues quo, over a period of time they change slowly, sometimes faster. Most of us don't like that, we want things to stay the same, have the familiar, safe and predictable we are used to. What will Europe look like in 100 years? Having a muslim majority? Maybe...
I think we are in for a change. And it's important to find a middle way to deal with the world the way it looks like today 2017 and onwards. The Trump and extreme rightwing way will lead to nothing good. It will lead to separations within and between countries. We against them attitude. Extreme nationalism. The slogan "Make America great again" When was it great? Before the women get the right to vote? Or before the ending of of the slavery? Do we really want Germany 1938 again? The same goes for the naive leftwing politicians who is part of the reasons that Trump and others rightwing extremes in Poland, Hungary, France are gaining support from the average Joe and Jane in the first place. We need a middle way to deal with the refugees, terrorism and several of the dictatorships in the world. Sometimes talking, isn't enough, unfortunately.
In one way the western (and the eastern) democratic countries need to show more fairness and respect toward each other and become tougher. We need "we are in this together" attitude. Compare US with Sweden when it comes to taking in refugees Without having any stats i guess Sweden has taken at least 5 times as many and US is about 20 times bigger, size wise. My point is; no whining and complaining everyone needs to step up and pull their load. It doesn't matter if we are talking about taking in refugees, dealing with Syria, Afghanistan, and other countries in the middle east and parts of Africa in a military way. EVERY country needs to help out in their best way they can. Help out with the refugees, fight terrorism and dictatorship. Is this wishful thinking?
This post is dedicated to Nicky Hayden, 1981-2017. Nicky was an American motorcycle racer who died on Monday, May 22nd after been hit by a car while bicycling couple of days earlier. He won the world championship 2006. A nicer person was hard to find, always positive and made the best out of every situation. He never seemed to complain. I met him briefly in Japan 2013 where I received his autograph. He was my favorite rider, it was shocking to hear about his passing, way too early. My deepest condolences to his family and dear friends.
Nicky died at age 35. Most of us thinking, yeah, I'll be around to about 85. Nothing is for sure, remember that.Therfore it's preferable not to live life, your current one as is a dress-herersal for the real one. It's not! You have one shot and its up to you to make the best out of it. Everyones circumstances are different and some have it much harder than others, that's for sure. I remember once Arnold Schwarzenegger said he understood this later in life. He thought once that everyone could just pull them self up by their bootstraps. As Arnold said it isn't easy if you live in poverty without out any support and good role models.
Remember that everything could end tomorrow or when your 98. You don't know, so, live the best you can. Respect family, friends and strangers!
Take care of your self and others!
-Chris Kallevag (IronCouch.com)
If you have a business with someone, let's say a close relative and your life is basically your work. You have little time left for family, and friends you barely meet at all. To do a hobby to recharge those internal batteries is just a memory from about ten years ago.
You begin to think, do I want, need to live like this for the next 25 years, or much less if I get sick and die in a stress related illness (many to choose from)? How do I get out of this viscous life wheel? I'll get back to that soon.
You have the business with a family member you love and respect. He works like you, maybe even he's putting in more hours, if possible. You can tell he's burning his candle in both ends, so do you and you are worried about your health. This is the way you do things and have done it. Maybe your dad worked like you two do? Isn't about time time to slow down and think about an alternative way to do things? Both of you have wives and young children at home. Your spouses complaining about the hours you are away from home, the time, lack there off you spend with your kids. An old friend of mine traveled a lot, were away from home so much that his son asked his wife; "mommy, who is that man?" A very sad but true story.
What are the alternatives to get your life back?
Sit down and a have a heart to heart talk somewhere away from work. A place you can talk in privacy. Explain how you are feeling about it, that you don't want to continue like this. It's important to be honest.
1. You can tell you business partner/relative that you had enough and want out. A very difficult solution which will be hard to do while keeping everyone involved happy. It is during most circumstances not doable, due to guilt, resentment, and feelings of abandonment and betray.
2. Discuss what can you do differently to work less? Maybe your business partner is feeling the same. The two of you have to look what you can do to cut back on the hours and get your life back. Maybe you can hire someone to take care of the operation of the business. You might have look hard to find the right person but he/she is out there, I promise you. Questions to ask; Where do we like to go with this? Can we continue and maybe lower the profit and make a living anyway? The important here is to put all the cards on the table, to be 100% honest! Think outside the box, there are no rules how you have do things! Don't be a micro manager, delegate. Yes, pigs can't fly but many people can grow if you give them an opportunity.
3. Like above but without a manager, very hard just to agree to cut back on hours and go home when you feel it's a lot of work left to do.
4. Sell the business and split the money. Could be more complicated than it sounds. This exit could be the only solution for some businesses. All depends if the business has a value and potential buyers.
There are probably more options, those is just a couple on top of my mind.
If you continue to work like you do: long hours, with bad eating habits, no exercise, stress, no time for hobbies, always bad conscious for not spending time with family, no time for friends. What kind of life is that? It sound more like a prison, right? What's the point? To make money for your children to spend when you're gone, when you kicked the bucket which might arrive much sooner than you think if you continue to live the way you do?
A close relative of mine dropped dead at age 57 in his store. He had worked in it all his life, was never free from it. He paid the ultimate price.
Always strive for balance in life, it isn't easy. Make conscious decisions, reflect and plan!
Till next time, all the best,
It could be hard to do the right things as a habit, especially when some of the "right things" are confusing. We all know about to eat healthy, don't smoke, be moderate with alcohol, exercise, and avoid too much stress. Now, what is the right food to eat and how much is the right amount of exercise and what is the best?
I just read about a tribe in Bolivia (The research findings is published in The Lancet ).
The researchers had check this tribes heart health. 25% of the average American has arteriosclerosis build up in their coronary arteries by age 45. The Bolivian tribe 0 build up at the same age. At age 75, 80% of Americans have plaque in the arteries of the heart. The tribe members. 1/3. What differs in lifestyle between them? The Bolivian tribe eat 72% carbohydrates, and the rest equally divided between protein and fat. They eat lean meat like tapir, wild-bore, fish, rice, corn, nuts, fruits and berries. When it comes to exercise we have the BIG difference. The tribe is hunters and gathers, they walk about 12km (8 miles)/day!
The conclusion the researchers made is that we have to move around much more then we do. I agree 100%. Activities like walking and gardening are excellent. To exercise the heart more I suggest high intensity intervals (HII). More isn't always better, research starting to show that training for marathons and ultra-marathons is NOT good for your heart. It has to work too hard for too long. In the long run (no pun intended). Remember, our heart is build for walking and gathering things and for short bursts, like run to the closest tree to escape from a cranky mammoth or a saber tooth tiger. NOT for running 10+ hours/week with a high heart rate.
Who has time to walk 12km/day? For most people this will take 2,25-2,50 hours. I suggest, do 30 minutes of walking each day and take it from there. Start a habit!
Couch potato or fitness fanatic and anyone between, I wish you a great day! -Chris (www.IronCouch.com)
This post has indirectly to do with our mental health, the subject has an impact on many of us how we feel about the present and the future.
In the headline I'm referring to president Trump. According to some bookies you only get four times your money back if you bet a year or less. I read the internet version of one of the two major Swedish newspaper on a daily basis. Every day it's something new about him. If you're like me you're getting a bit tired of reading about every frog that's jumps out of his mouth, but you can't help yourself you read it anyway. You scratch your head and wonder what the heck is going on? The world's most powerful man seems to behave like a hormonal teenager. A while ago he got upset at his neighbor because he refused to buy cookies from Ivanka when she knocked on the door and asked if he wanted to buy girl scout cookies. Sorry, just kiddn', no, he got upset at Nordstroms because they decided to discontinue Ivanka's line of clothing. It didn't sell well was the explanation. If that was the reason or some other doesn't matter. My point is, why wast time and energy on this (and many other irrelevant things)? Are we talking about unhealthy control issues? All of Trump's actions gets vigorously defended by Mr. Spicer, the white house press secretary. Think how fast things changes, Google Sean and what comes up first is Sean Spicer, before Sean Connery and Sean Penn, wow!
From a psychological standpoint it is interesting to observe president Trump. He's quite full of himself and like to blame others constantly, mostly so his predecessor Mr. Obama. He doesn't seem to simply be able to say "I (respectfully) disagree with Mr. X or Judge Y", no it has to be some negative comment about the person as well, why? The main problem here is he seems to a have a big problem admitting he said or done something wrong and apologize. I, personally have a serious issue with that because I had a dad who never ever could apologize, no matter what he did or said.
I have a theory that many of his supporters are still "in-love", in the honeymoon phase of their relationship with Trump. Many living in denial. He can't do anything wrong according to them yet, but when will they turn on him? I compare this with a bad romantic relationship. We have all experienced it our self or have a friend who did. I'm talking about a person who begins a love affair with a really unpleasant man or woman and are so in-love, can't see anything wrong at all with this person. The friends role their eyes and are clueless why on earth is this usually intelligent person behaving like a fool? Sooner or later (most of the times, but not always) he or she wakes up and can't understand how stupid he or she was and feeling quite embarrassed and ends the relationship. The question is how long will this group of Trump's supporters stay with their heads in the sand and continue to cheer him on? The American middle class and blue collar honest hard working men and women. Until they have to pay more taxes? Until their kids school have to make cut backs which affect their children directly?
How long will President Trump last? He is in very deep water and so are his white house staff. Many, probably 3-4 pay grades above what they are qualified to do. How good swimmers are they when the wind picks up and the current becomes stronger? Do they know how the get out of a rip-current? Are they humble enough to ask for help when the water gets above their heads, and they are drowning? I sincerely hope so, for the sake of all Americans and the rest of us.
Trump fan or you dislike the man, have a great day!
-Chris ( www.IronCouch.com )
P.S. This will be the only post about President Trump for quite awhile. I thought to address this issue, once.
Husband, Father, Friend Swedish, Canadian, Psychology, Health, Exercise, Archery, Drumming, Carving, Motorcycles